Mishaps with my Voice

February 4, 2018

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Mishaps with Shortness

February 12, 2018

Sassy yet classy 4th graders, sneaky sneaker heels, standing on Regina's left, and looking like shit. Literally. Hobbit habits die hard.


Eternally making #mishaps and discovering #mishapportunities!


#Mishapportunities aka Clumsy Wisdom:



On being Bilbo Baggins

If anyone could understand my struggles as a short man, it’s Bilbo Baggins, who has plenty of experience walking amongst men, elves, dwarves and other beings far taller than himself. But Bilbo and I have much more in common than just our stature. In addition to being short, we both have hairy feet, love maps and adventure, and have a habit of letting older men with impressive magic staves and hypnotic qualities persuade us to wander into their Mirkwood forests. #hobbitHabitsDieHard


On being a Fourth Grader

The funny thing is a lot of the times when kids say shitty things like this they don’t even mean it as an insult - they just mean it as an observation. So you can’t really get mad at them and their brutally honest yet sweetly innocent eye for random connections adults don’t have. I still have this quality. Perhaps it’s because I am still the height of a child (or shit as we have just learned). So I am ultimately grateful that I look like shit or, as I prefer to say, am almost tall, dark, and handsome. Because otherwise I would never be able to make the unusual yet undeniable observations I do that make people occasionally laugh with or at or around me. Maybe it’s like some kind of weird superpower you can only have if you’re like atleast 2 standard deviations below average height. #tallDarkAndHandsome #Serving4thGradeRealness



On the law offices of Short & Brown

If you take out the “look like shit” and focus on the “short and brown” that is the story of my life, I think that would be the great name for a fancy corporate law firm, at least based on the law TV shows I’ve seen. I don’t know enough actual law firm names to saw beyond a shadow of a doubt and I’m not trying get sued. Anyway, if you ask me, "the law offices of Short & Brown” has a nice ring to it. They would only hire tan, bronzed people with Napoleon complexes ready to lay down the law! Like you’d have to be Pantone 54-9 C or warmer and shit stature or shorter. Sounds like solid criteria to me. #shitStature #theLawOfficesOfShortAndBrown #NapoleonComplex

On degenerate dwarf stars

According to Wikipedia and probably my astrophysicist dad, white dwarf stars are extremely dense and dim balls of thermal energy "thought to be the final evolutionary state of stars whose mass is not high enough to become a neutron star. This includes the Sun and over 97% of the other stars in the Milky Way.” It basically sounds like these white dwarves are slash I am what happens to the vast majority of humanity who never fully realize their full potential or “reach for the stars”, if you will, and, as they speed towards the end of their unfulfilled lives, become crushed and pushed in by the universe until they’re nothing but a balled up, dim glow. I also think it should be noted that white dwarfs are fittingly called “degenerate dwarfs” so it sounds like there was some interdisciplinary collaboration between astrophysics and psychologists back in the day. Bravo teamwork! #degenerateDwarfStars #denseAndDim #the97Percent





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