All of the mishaps that originated from my name starting with Spell Check correcting my name to #mishap in the 90s, to Buenos Aires baristas confusing me with Mila Kunis, to my diminutive life from having a nickname for a name.
Let's make some #mishapportunities!
#Mishapportunities aka Clumsy Wisdom:
On autocorrect and ass
Autocorrect’s arrogant ass is always assuming you’re just wallowing in the sorrow of your misspelled shit. You know just continually praying for it to swoop in and save you with its grammatically correct and punctuated ass. Did I say ass enough? I have very strong feelings about autocorrect...and ass. #AutocorrectAndAss
On Spell Check
Spell Check is a little different. We already know she’s more like a puritanical New England yuppie. She’s also like those annoying red notifications on your phone for every app that you just want to disappear. So you click on them and then they go away. Put then they pop up again like 5 minutes later because someone in Silicon Valley felt that a bug fix was so critical that it needed to be pushed to your phone ASAP AF and absolutely could not wait until the next business day. It’s like adult acne for your phone. Or an eternal, nonconsensual game of wack-a-mole.
On men, dictionaries, and coffee
Now that I’m a strong independent gay man in my late 20s I know that I don’t need a man or dictionary to define me, even a digital one that knows about Bootylicious, hangry, manspreading, mansplaining, or fitspiration. But I do need coffee. Who would have thought that a short, brown, ball of energy (pound for pound anyway) would spend so much time looking for the exact same thing… Even though that’s pretty much most white gay men do all the time...Oops! Did I say that?... #DontNeedNoDictionary #DontDicktate #OxfordWho
On diminutive life, parents, and self-fulfilling prophecies
The point of this story is that my actual name is a nickname or as latinos say “diminutivo” aka diminutive, so I'm basically little Michael. I have this theory that it’s part of my parents' plan to always see me as their adorable, little boy. I guess their plan worked out in the end because I grew up to be the most diminutive person possible, adorable and little and unthreatening with my SUPER gay voice. Way to create a self-fulfilling prophecy parents! Lady MacBeth would be proud.#parentingGoals #diminutiveLife